The Most Horrible Decisions you Have to Make when Realizing you have a Child with Special Needs
You might have to move. We realized that schools districts all the sudden had a very different meaning. We had sent our older child to catholic school but that is just not an option (in our city) for a kid with Miles’ needs. I’d love to say selling our house has been easy and wonderful but it has not selling a house with a child with special needs is a whole ‘nother can of worms…Just imagine trying to schedule showing around therapy… Click here to read our article in the EFFECT Newsletter.
You might have to give up your beloved pets. Heartbreaking and horrible. We watched Miles drag our 2 cats around the house by their tails for months. Watched him delight in pulling their whiskers; try to figure out their eye-balls and ears. We also watched him get scratched too many times to count. Our beloved dog Sammy was diagnosed with brain cancer about the same time Miles was not learning to walk. Putting him to sleep is still to this day one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Click here to see a photo gallery of our pets.
Yes, You’ll probably lose some friends. Both of us have lost all of our drinking/bar hopping buddies. There is just no going out for the time being. Some of my friends just don’t get why I can’t talk on the phone when they need me or can’t go out like I used to. I also have friends who are so amazing and have altered their expectations, even after years, to remain part of my life.
Your Job might have to change. I worked so hard for my job and was also really lucky to get it but I feel guilty all the time because it is no longer my number one priority. Soon after we had Miles Joe took a decrease in hours and lost all respect in his field, because men just are not supposed to have such a large role in rearing their children and it is so competitive for men in a different way than most women. Thank God he got a new job with a boss who never blinks when he asks for time to attend therapy sessions. His boss has made our existence possible in so many ways and he probably does not even realize it. I, on the other hand, as a teacher just assign less homework so I have less to grade…I push my students harder in the classroom and amazingly they do better on tests than they did before…But, we have both changed our jobs to meet the demands of therapy and life with Miles.
Your idea of marriage will change. I read the other day the horrific statistic that 80% of marriages involved with children with special needs end up in divorce. Well, yeah. I mean there in no time at all for anything that would stimulate or hone a relationship. My husband and I are so sleep deprived and exhausted from the emotional demands of a child with special needs that we usually don’t even know what day it is. My advice: You gotta love The Beatles cause Love is all you need. Trite as it may be…Love, love , love…
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